Adventures in Phone Menus

» 14 October 2005 » In Funny, Rants »

I am not a violent man. I’d much rather sip a latte in a café than engage in broken bottle bar fights. But exchanges like the following make me want to use the Chinese water torture (or vice grips) on the designers of said systems:

Andrei is calling Comcast to change some services. 1-800-COMCAST.

Phone Voice: Thank you for calling COMCAST. Please enter the telephone number including area code for where you have or want service.
Andrei: (enters the phone number)
Phone Voice: For English press 1, para español oprima el dos.
Andrei: (dutifully selects 1 as he doesn’t know Spanish)
The phone system waits for an inordinate amount of time all the making sounds like someone trying to quitely pass a kidney stone.
Phone Voice: (cheerfully) To continue this call in English press 1, para español oprima el dos.
Andrei: (jamming finger into 1 again)
The phone system passes another, but smaller, kidney stone.
Phone Voice: Please enter the phone number of your account.
Andrei: the hell ? (enters phone number again)
Phone Voice: I will connect you to the customer service representative now.

CSR comes on line.

CSR: How can I help you?
Andrei: I need to change some of my services. (but really wanting to say “by fixing your damn phone menu”)
CSR: Can I have your phone number please?
Andrei: (head explodes)

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  1. andrei
    14/10/2005 at 3:40 pm Permalink

    Yeah exact same scenario, having to enter my phone number a zillion times, and when I finally get to the CSR, they ask me for it *again*, saying “oh, we don’t save that info”. My other favorite is when I call Comcast, and before I can talk to the CSR I’m treated to a 1 minute ad of some crapass pay-per-view wrestling event. I don’t care, just connect me to the CSR dammit!

  2. andrei
    15/10/2005 at 12:49 am Permalink

    > I am not a violent man.

    Yes you are – you smack people.

    BTW, those foreign characters in your post display weird in Firefox. “café” “español” Shouldn’t you fix your damn blog?

  3. andrei
    Markus Wolff
    15/10/2005 at 4:09 am Permalink
  4. andrei
    15/10/2005 at 9:55 am Permalink

    > > I am not a violent man.
    > Yes you are – you smack people.

    I missed you, anonymous yet annoying Jeremy. My blog is just not the same without you. I hope you won’t find a job for a while so that you can contribute your valuable insights to mine and my friends’ blogs.

  5. andrei
    15/10/2005 at 11:30 am Permalink

    I do have a job! And I make lots of money! And have plenty of free time! How much do you make in the Yahoo cubicle farm?

  6. andrei
    Jeremy Johnstone
    15/10/2005 at 2:55 pm Permalink

    My only wonder is why you choose to remain anonymous. Do you have something to hide? Are you afraid of letting people know who you are? Only a troll would make an ass of himself like you do and then try and attempt to hide his real identity behind fake email addresses and open proxy servers (like the one in Turkey you like to spam my blog from).

  7. andrei
    15/10/2005 at 5:36 pm Permalink

    LOL, why are you so afraid of dictionaries and good English? Oh sorry, it must be “dictionarie’s.” LMAO.

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